May the 4th be with you.
So, in my last post I talked at length about Star Wars, the seminal saga of the 20th century (we love alliteration!) It was amazing. Still amazing, and when I watched the original 3 movies, all I could think about was "Why don't we have hoverboards and lightsabers?!" Seriously, Back To The Future thought we'd have hoverboards in 2001. So where are the hoverboards? Get it together, Silicon Valley! We don't need electric cars. We need hoverboards.
But all jokes aside, I'm gonna talk about the Disney sequels, cause boy, are they bad. They are not good at all. Yes, box-office good, but with audiences and fans, it went over like an atomic bomb. Yeah, that Palpatine thing was clearly the only thing the writers could think of. But why did Rey have to be related to Palpatine? There were so many other Jedi like Windu, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan-that could have been an epic story. One that people actually liked. I was inspired by the lameness of the sequels that I wrote my own fanfic/novel featuring a girl named Lana Jinn who doesn't want to be a Jedi but becomes one to help save the world from a Sith Lord. Darth Solstiss is amassing an army deep in the dark of space, which will soon be unleashed unless Lana and Luke can prevent the looming takeover of the galaxy. And in my story, Luke is full power EU Luke: Everyone's hero and Grand Master Jedi, not the character-assassinated, green-milk-drinking Luke we got.
My biggest issue with these movies is not who Rey's parents are, or the character assassination (in Han's case, literally), but Rey's arc itself. You take a boilerplate hero (who's a woman, so it's groundbreaking apparently) from a desert planet who turns out to be super powerful and destroys the Empire, aka The First Order. She "brings balance back to the force." Okay, sure, the force can be unbalanced. But because Palpatine is back? Like, no! Nope. I can't believe that paid writers were actually so uncreative that they couldn't come up with a different villain. And he was "cloned with dark science." It's so stupid that it's funny. And I truly hate that it just retconned all the last 6 movies because a "woman needs to be the hero this time". Like Leia wasn't a hero in her own way? It just messed with the plot and the legacy too much. And I actually think Anakin himself brought balance to the force. He was evil, then he killed Palpatine when Palpatine was trying to kill Luke, which was his redemption. I wish they could have given Rey more depth: Make her from a different planet, not a desert. Make her have some flaws and not know everything there is to know, make her feel the pressure of being a Jedi. and it would have been cool to have a conversation between her and Anakin. And most importantly, change the villain and change who she's related to. Lots of other options in that universe, but maybe the writers thought Palpatine didn't have enough screen time.
Could you imagine after Endgame and Thanos's beheading and Iron Man snap, that he's still alive? Yeah. No way. The Marvel fandom would go insane. But that's what the Star Wars writers did, and the Star Wars fandom did go insane. And yeah, Rise of Skywalker beat Endgame at the box office, but that's all it did besides ruining and entire legendary franchise with a legendary story.
And it says a lot that the toys featuring Rey and sequel-era characters sell less than toys featuring the original trilogy characters.
LUKE SKYWALKER ALL THE WAY!
And Rey stealing his name? Bitch, no. No. You are not related to a Skywalker. You did what they do, but if she wasn't such a contrived, lame character, she would have come up with her own last name.
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